AAAHHHRRRGGG!!!

I can't believe it's already been three weeks since my last post. Almost Daily Painting Blog is a little inaccurate at the moment. I must apologize. My brain is having a difficult time reacting to the actual passing of time. I'll think, "Oh yeah, I have to do that this week." But, it was actually last week I was supposed to do it, and I just haven't caught up yet, do you catch my drift? It's not that my life is crazy busy or anything. It's just the normal stay at home mom, self-employed, wife and housekeeper thing..writing a book, doing school work, looking after children and husband, trying to keep the house clean and family fed, and oh yeah, paint! Maybe I've just faltered in the time management area...or is it the fact that basically since the time change, I'm back to living on four hours of sleep a night? (Whoever invented that wonderful thing didn't have kids! Mine are still convinced that 4 a.m. is 5, etc...) Whatever it is, production has drastically been reduced, it's down to just plain old surviving. Said assignment that was due is now very overdue, I had to call in for an extension...said commission is...well...it's started. I have been painting this week, trying to get it done, and right now it's at that stage, that awful, horrible, stage where I want to throw it out the window and start over! I worked for over an hour tonight, and it just seemed to make it worse and worse. Every brush-stroke created mud, and it felt like I had completely forgotten how to paint. I was doing things backwards, like working on little details first! I mean, come on Tahirih, I learned that stuff back in high school, and here I am, my little 01 paintbrush, painting a corsage before the jacket was even blocked in. Well, needless to say, I gave up in disgust.
What is it about a commission that makes it so difficult? Is it performance anxiety? I can whip off a painting for myself in about 4 hours some nights, and it turns out beautifully. As soon as it's for someone who is paying me, it takes me longer than that to convince my ass into the studio. Then, I start painting corsages right of the bat, and forget what happens when you mix blue and yellow! Help!
Sorry no picture to post tonight, either. My high speed is down, and I'm suffering with very slow dial-up. It took me ten minutes just to log in to blogger.
Well, I certainly hope I have something to show you soon.
Goodnight all.